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Quit Quelching With My Mind

It could only happen at The Tico Times.

EDITOR (To Writer No. 1): “You don’t squash a rumor. You quash a rumor.”

WRITER No. 1 (authoritatively): “I didn’t mean to say squash. I was going to say quelch.”

EDITOR: “Quelch??”

WRITER No. 1 “But then I thought I better say squelch. But that’s what you do to a CB radio.”

EDITOR: “It’s not squelch or quelch! It’s quash!”

WRITER No. 1 (disbelieving): “Quash? No! C’mon, really?”

WRITER No. 2: “How about squish?”

WRITER No. 1: “I think it’s quelch. Or quell. How about quell?”

EDITOR: “There is no such word as quelch.”

WRITER No. 1: “I bet there is! (To Writer No. 2): “Look it up.”

WRITER No. 2 (thoughtfully): “What is it you do to your thirst?”


WRITER No. 1: “Look up quelch.””

WRITER No. 2: “How do you spell it?”

EDITOR: “It doesn’t exist!”

WRITER No. 2: “Here’s squelch, and it means SQUASH!”

WRITER No. 1: “Ha! So there! See? I was right!”

EDITOR: “Huh? What about quelch??”

WRITER No. 1 (coyly): “I decided not to use quelch.” The rest of the above conversation has been quelled for the sake of our readers’ sensibilities.

–TT, May 5, 1978



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